Obsessions. New, But Obsesssions.

I haven’t been on here for a while, huh.
Well, you can’t blame me, I’ve been writing perfectly acceptable blog posts on the main blog, and haven’t had a need for this one. I haven’t had any moments of pure anger when I was near a computer, and I haven’t had any mental breakdowns.
I’ve been busy and I’ve been cooking. And I’ve been thinking of culinary school and I’ve already got that planned out.

When we move to Beaverton, I get to cook dinner at my aunt’s house. Which is good.
And I’m going to look for a job. Apply anywhere local to the apartment complex. And see what happens. If I can’t get anything there, well, have to start looking to see where the buses go, because I have no transportation.

Anyway.

Yeah, I have a lot of things I’ve found that I want to make. Some of them thanks to magazines, some thanks to friends (read: Scott) and some thanks to liking the food and wanting to be able to cook it.

It’s fun, though it does use a lot of dishes. But that’s okay. Mom’s said that because I’m cooking, she’ll do the dishes. She even said that she’ll do the dishes at aunt deanne’s, if I’m cooking.
And I’ll be cooking.

Though I’m not sure my cousin will eat it. She doesn’t eat the crust on bread yet (I did by the time I was six, and I was just as weird of an eater as she is…they used to have to TELL me to take a bite of my food. I do not remember this, of course). She doesn’t eat french fries, really, either. Sometimes, only with ketchup. Though those are the only things that came up during last weekend when we were there, didn’t get to learn any of the other…non-eatables.
And if she doesn’t like it, well, she’ll learn.

Mom says that what I’ve made so far isn’t really all that healthy. Pizza and pasta, sure, it’s all carbs. But hey, it’s homemade, so it’s excuseable.

I am, however, gonna make a squash caserole soon (we have two sqaushes, might need another though) and I’m going to make a pinto bean chili type thing….that’s all vegetables and that’s healthy.
Dinner tonight won’t be healthy. Meatballs and pasta. Have to find a good sauce to go with it though. Don’t want straight spaghetti sauce, but I think that’s what I’m gonna get. Oh well.

ja stuff

CHEETOS. Are delicious. And addicting. Which is a bad combination.

And Cody’s texting me. And he’s not busy today.
So ha.
Least ways not yet. It’s only one, you see. Hopefully he doesn’t get busy later, the rest of the day.
We’ll see.

And I’m addicted to the song “Use Somebody” by Kings of Leon. It’s very prettiful.
Right after it in my playlist on iTunes is the “This is Halloween” what Manson did. Weird switch, totally.

It’s a very…ecclectic list.
Mainly because it’s all the songs I’ve downloaded while at my mom’s house, in the order I downloaded them in.
I have another list, what’s from at the other house.
And I’ll probably have to start a new one once we move up to Beaverton.
Just…because.
That’s how it works, kay?

And Cody and I are now talking about fruit.
Random conversations, FTW.

I’m supposed to be trying to draw a picture. Well, I have two to choose from. They’re saved on my desktop.
One is Vash. Other is Manson.
Weird combination, I know.
But I’m awesome like that.

And TFAW only had the Volume 2 of Trigun in stock.
Sadfaces.

I’m going to go broke having that store like ten minutes from my house when we move up there.
OH WELL, it’s good.

And now listening to Pink Floyd.
I haven’t actually LISTENED to Pink Floyd in a while. A random song here and there, sure. But listened to song after song? Not for a while.
I’m ashamed. Very disappointed.
But, hey, stuff comes up, and you move to different things, and there’s far too many different things that I like to listen to just one all the time. Gotta listen to just one, then move on to another just one and back and forth between them all at varying times.
That’s how it goes, you know.

Anyway. Got stuff to do. I’m out.
Like a candle. When you blow it out. That’s what you do to candles.
WHEN THEY’RE ON A BIRTHDAY CAKE. BECAUSE MY BIRTHDAY IS IN THIRTEEN DAYS.
So give me lots of presents. Kidding, kidding. My mom keeps asking me what we’re gonna do on my birthday, and I say I dunno. I tell her that we have to go get tattoos and go to the strip club, but she’s not really into that idea too much.
It’d be fun, though, you gotta admit.

Again? Really? REALLY?!?! I think so. Damn.

…so…how’s things? Life? Any good? Enjoying it? I sure hope so. Some of us should, you know.

So, uh, er, I don’t know what I’m doing here…just kinda blargh.

I’m kinda tired now, you know.
Kinda.
Sleep is good, but I can’t. I can’t. Shouldn’t. Won’t. Nooooooo. Nevarrrrr.

I need to start a new story. I know this.
But right now…I’m at a very strange roadblock of brainwaves.

And strange sirens were strange.
And ah, that’d be why.
It’s the tsunami warning thing test thing they do every month.
Why must they test every month? I have no idea, but they do. It’s very loud and…well, loud.
Also not very fun sounding.
Kinda reminds me of a bomb squad thing. I dunno. Like from back in the Cold War and the sirens and everyone would have to hide under their desks in school? Yeah, that kind of thing.
I dunno, but it sure as hell seemed stupid to me. You can’t be protected from that, can you? No, you can’t. You’ll die. And if you don’t, you’ll become like those people in “The Hills Have Eyes”. And they were fucking weird creepy stalker killer people.
I never saw the second one.
The first one was more than enough.

One time, I want there to be a killer movie in which the killer wins, and he goes off and hides and never gets caught. It happens like that in real life sometimes, you know.
Like with the Zodiac killer guy? He was never caught. Least not when the book I read about it. And BTK was almost never caught.
So, it happens.
It should happen in the movies once, too. Just because. Just because.

We’re going grocery shopping tonight. And I get to buy things. Actual groceries. And stuff and yeahhhh. It’s awesome.

Okay, now I’m really tired.
I shouldn’t have sat down yet, should have kept up and kept going around. But nooooo, just had to come and sit down. So I could get tired. Fuck me sideways dammit, stupid tiredness.
I got enoughish sleep, right?
I think I did. Obviously my body doesn’t agree with me.
Dammit.
Stupid stupid stupid.

Why can’t I just be fine and just go and be…awake?
Ahhh, that’s what caffeine is for. SODAAAAA. We have some in the kitchen. But that never seems t….okay, it does sometimes, at night and whatnot.
But not oftenly.
Well, maybe it does, I dunno.
Let’s get some anyway.
Good idea.

Sherlock.
I SAW THE AD FOR THAT IN HARRY POTTER.
There were a few funny parts. Looks like it could be good. Maybe. Not sure yet.

AND ALMOST TIME FOR DVDS OF SEASON ONE AND SEASON TWO OF FRINGE.
Almost.
September, but still.
I’m e…OH FUCK.
If we move, and we live with Aunt Deanne…I still get to watch Fringe, right? RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Fuck me sideways backwards and wonkyways.
I don’t know which way wonkyways is, but I think it’s like diagonally.
Something like that.

I NEED to live somewhere other than with my mom before September. Because, by the look of it, if I don’t, I’ll be going with her to go live with my Aunt.
That’s fine, I don’t care about that part.
It’s the four people in a small apartment, one of which is a needy 7 year old.
Yeahhhh….I’m not gonna be the live-in babysitter and I’m not going to live in Beaverton with all of them and I’m just not going to do it.
I’ll go live in a cardboard box, I told my mom.
And I will if I have to, seriously.
I’ll buy a car. And I’ll live in that.
I may not be able to drive it, but I’ll live in it.
Ah fuck it, if I had to, I’ll drive without a license. Fuck.

FUCK.
This is NOT how my life was supposed to go, dammit.

Wow I Phale

They changed the gray bar at the top of the WordPress pages. There’s a search bar up there now. I guess that’s okay. I never search for anything if you haven’t noticed.

I feel weird.
I don’t know why. I just feel weird. It’s…weird.
I don’t wanna know why. I don’t wanna think about it.

I wanna do something, I’m just not sure what that something is.
Laying around is nice, but it’s boring now that I’ve done it since one.
Then again, it’s only three thirty.

I need a way to entertain myself.
That doesn’t involve sitting in front of my laptop.
Sure, I love my computer, but there’s only so many websites I find interesting, only so many I’ve found. And so many that you need an account to. And I don’t need any accounts, you know?

I’m just bored, I think.
Not…doing anything. It’s horrible.
It’s boring, as well, obviously.

I want projects, but I don’t want to start any because I know I won’t finish them.
It’s horrible. Thinking that this stuff you want to do would be really great. If you could finish it.
But you doubt that you even could work on it for more than two days. AT MOST two days.
And that’s depressing.

So, maybe I should work on it. Turn off the phone (other than texts from mom and Cody, of course), turn off the internet, and just work.
Unless it involves working on the internet. And if so, turn off the instant messengers, and turn off the Plurks and the Facebooks and get to workin’ on it.

I should do that.
I really should.

You just watch, I won’t.

Come on, you really thought I’d change my ways finally? Bah, like that’s gonna happen.

A.D.D. much?

DAMNIT IT I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.
Fancy makeups from yesterday are already almost gone from my facez0rz.
But the eyeliner’s left, which is good. I liked that part the best, and the eyeshadow’s easy to remedy. So’s the mascara.
But the eyeliner was hard.
Well, not too hard, but hardER than I normally do (which is nothing you know).
But when I go take a shower…it’s all gonna get all smudgy and gone and ewwwww.
FUCK.
Disastrous messes, that’ll be.

Oh well, I’ll fix it somehow.
I’m sure I will.
Have to.
Because I want it to be the same, duh.
Maybe not EXACTLY the same, but close.

I need some colored eyeshadows.
Sure, browns are nice, but boring.
Specially since I want colors.
Blue. Green. Red? Orange? Orange’d be fun.
Red would be cool, too.
Blue and green, I already did yesterday, they’re just muted colors – not fancy bright ones.
Maybe colored eyeliner, too.
Oh yeah, smexy.

Or is it “smexii”?
I don’t care.

Anyway…

You know how often I get like this?
VERY rarely. I swear to you.
It’s like…so rare, it’s like an endangered species.
No fucking lie.
So I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts, and see how long it lasts and be all “OH MY GODDDD” until it’s gone.

Bwahaha. Ha.
Ha.

Ha.

Random “BENJAMIN BARKERRRR *STABSTABSTAB*” thoughts/moments.
Huh.
Oh well!!!

I was gonna go do the laundry, wasn’t I.
FUCK.
I always get distracted, don’t I?
I’m fairly certain I do…that’s just how it is.

I really need a belt. That’d be helpful.
But I don’t have any.
WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?!?!?
Well, partly because the ones I had sucked and/or didn’t fit anymore.
So, uh, yeah.
That’s what happens when all your belts are from like the 8th grade that came with jeans you don’t even have anymore.
Because they died.
Horrible eevihl painful deaths they died.

DID YOU KNOW THAT EVERY PAIR OF BLUE JEANS I’VE HAD THAT WERE LIGHT BLUE HAVE ALL DIED IN THE SAME WAY?!?!!?
I find that very strange.
Don’t you?
I do.

LAUNDRY, FUCK.

alt

Sometimes, I just wanna dye my hair, get a peircing, and go shopping.
For new clothes. That aren’t like the clothes I have.
Sometimes, I just REALLY want a difference. It’s weird.

I dunno.
Just, there are loads more things I wish I could do, that I don’t or won’t or whattever. There are things that I would like to do, would like to “experiment” with that I can’t.
Leastways not until I live close to a mall. A cheap mall.
But since they don’t make such things…

I honestly have no idea what I really want and what I’m really talking about.
I’m surely.

Basically, I’m having one of those self-image moments.
And it’s…well, it’s not something new.

ANYWAY.
That is all.
GOODBYE.

Duh

She’s not gonna let me.
Understandable, sure, but still not very nice.
Why in the hell would anyone wanna kidnap me, not like I’d be a good captive, yo.

Anyway.

I guess that doesn’t ruin the cosmic order, so that’s good.
Because it WOULD have made a mockery of everything I had set up.
But since it’s not going to happen, it can’t do that, and that just solves that right now.

Also, I assume you have no idea what I’m talking about, and I’m just going to keep it that way if you don’t mind.

And again, nothing is going to work.
God, why does that shit keep coming to mind? I have no idea. But that’s not really of any help, is it.

Just, thoughts and NOTHING and failure and no matter what…
I’m going to end up either alone or with someone I really don’t wanna end up with.

That’s what happens.
That’s what’s going to happen.
Grrrawrl.

Just give me comic books and soda and good food, a comfy blanket and a nice pillow. Some video games, and a computer. A notebook and some pens, some markers, too. And that’s about it.
I’d be good.
Get the whole trying to find someone to be with issue out of my mind.
If it happens, it happens.
If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.

Why does it bother me so much? I dunno, I just have always had the idea that I HAD to find someone to spend forever with. I don’t know when that started or how or why, but it’s always been there. And I don’t mean since I was a teenager or since middle school or whatever, I mean from when I was a little kid.
Of course, when I was younger, though, it was more focused on TV characters, but that’s what kids do.
Either way, it’s still….
It’s stuck around.
And it’s rather annoying.
Because when I was younger, my idea was to have found them already. And that’s very depressing when I sit around and think about it. So I’m not gonna do that, okay?

Either way, I should move on from that, and just go with life.
If stuff happens, it happens.
If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
I don’t NEED a relationship, do I? I do just fine without one, right?

I sure as hell hope so.

Plans

I think I might know what I’d like to do.
(See all these non-positives?)
But, seriously, I think I might know. Have a hunch on it, anyway.

I want a restaurant.

Not a big one, just a little one.
Like the one in Mapleton.
A little restaurant and it’s mine and I can put whatever I want on the menu.

And make it look all pretty and stuff and then cook foods and have people wait tables and stuff and I get to cook and then people come and they eat and it’s a restaurant.
That’s how it works.
Yes.
Good.
I like it.

So, uh, how do you get a restaurant?

FUCK YOU

http://tweetingtoohard.com/t/2031925319

Raising one gifted child is extraordinarily challenging. Now my daughter has also been assessed as gifted. Am I up to this? Yikes.

Really? Really?
State testing, that’s all they need to deem you as “gifted”.
Wanna know something?
After first standardized testing from the state in fourth grade, I was one of MANY students to be considered “gifted”.

Was this “challenging” to anyone in my family? FUCK NO. “Extraordinary challenging”? Even fuckier no’s.

Wow, you assfuck, you REALLY think it’s that big of a deal?
Set ‘em down with some books, turn off the TV and let them have some LEGOs or Kennex-whatchamacallits or Lincoln Logs.
Seriously.
Fuck.
That’s all you gotta do.

I didn’t even that that much.

Fucking assfucks, pretentious PRICKS.

Dumb Bitch

WOW. People.
Okay, first off, “thou” is not the same thing as “tho”.
Second, if you’d pay attention, you wouldn’t have needed to ask the question.
Three, you are not 17. Your favorite number is not 17. You have like six months until you even are 17. You are not allowed to put 17 in your username.

And you do NOT have baby blue eyes.
Sorry.
They may be blue, and they may be pretty, but NOT baby blue. Sorry.

Also, your boyfriend looks like a cracked out fourteen year old freak. You both look like children in that picture.
And in ALL of your pictures, you’re wearing WAY too much makeup, and look depressed.
Also, like a whore who’s tired after a night of fucking.

Which I wouldn’t put past you, either.

You also look slightly hungover.

ALSO, I know why you take pictures the way you do.
Because you’re insecure about your body. Yes, we know. You say “oh I need to lose weight” and you do NOTHING. It’s funny. Makes me laugh, because you can go on about it, and then you don’t DO anything.
Also, lying on the internet, saying that you weigh 30 pounds less than you really do? That’s low. LOW.
First, she was honest, then she slowly started to lose weight, it’s like HEY WAIT A MINUTE, YOU DO NOT WEIGHT THAT MUCH!! And then she took more off. And more off.
It’s like bitch, you don’t weigh the same as me, I’m sorry.
If two people were to look at us, and be told that we both weighed that much, YOU WOULD GET LAUGHED AT.

Seriously.

Just sayin’.