i don’t know what the fuck is wrong, but it would be nice to know now

I am so lame.
I have a boyfriend who says that he wants to be with me and all that.
And yet, I can’t seem to deal with it.
I want to piss him off so he’ll leave, yet he won’t get the hint.  Yet I’m not trying anyway.
I can’t seem to understand myself.
I want to be with these people that I will never have.
And I can’t be okay with the person that I do have.
Why is this?